Tamara Willems

brave souls like me…

One of the fun things about me now owning a cell phone, is that I have the ringtone set to a small symphony
and when on occasion it plays, (obviously not a call coming from someone I know, as clearly they would know – I don’t use my ‘phone’ for that)
I always think,  how lovely that bit of music, that has suddenly appeared as if from nowhere – instead of the abject fear that usually comes from a ringing phone.

I am not a brave soul,
most days
I would be content to never leave the sanctity
of my chair
(although…  wouldn’t I have a very sore bottom!)
I like my home, my yard, my garden
and most certainly those who
inhabit it
I love the birds, the flowers and
to be found here
and really I don’t even mind the fluffy white blanket that
currently cloaks everything
in slumbering

I am feeling particularly vulnerable today
like a need for a drawing in to
which doesn’t mean silence exactly, just
soothing sorts of things
of my choosing
I came home yesterday pent up in frustration
poured it all out to my husband
and tried hard to sloughed it off
like a shedding of dead skin before it had the chance
to completely attach itself
to my tired flesh
and so this morning,  as we sit to coffee
my husband is extra lovely and kind
as I gather in..   simple joy
each of us sharing a quiet read
before necessary errands
and he, off to work

when invitations come from friends
for a night out,
I start to simmer a little in pressures
and what if’s

there are days, when I wonder
would I be a better Mother
a better wife
a better friend, a better co-worker
or better person
if I were braver
we all suffer from insecurities of some sort
don’t we
and really, if I were somehow ‘better’
would I still

After we have finished our errands for the day
I put on a little music
make myself a nice cup of tea
and return to the comforts of my chair
by the window
for a few precious moments, I watch tiny snowflakes fall
and a grey squirrel enjoying his treats
I start to gently unravel the tangled threads that had begun
to tie themselves in knots
I think of two of the loveliest little girls, who in the grocery store today
sang to me as I was rushing by for one more forgotten item.   “I like your haaaaaa-irrrr ♪♪”
to which I sang back
♪Thaaaaank you-ooooo ♪♪   as I passed by
and we three,  we
smiled together,  the BIGGEST OF SMILES

here,  I fill myself with gratitude
for these little dears
as now I am thinking..
on days when I venture out
whether physically,  or even
in thoughts

in truth,  I am indeed
the bravest soul
be ♥

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