Tamara Willems

watching the world flutter-by…

This morning from my chair, outside in the garden
I look up at the sky
and it feels as if something is missing,
but I can’t place it
while of course there is something missing from this view
a tree was cut down a couple of years ago, a very large tree
and it did indeed change the sight line
one would think I’d have gotten used to that by now
what I notice as I am looking,  wonderingly at the blue
that it is not so much an openness that I am feeling
but rather an exposed sort of something’s-just-not-right-ness
of course I know this is me, and not the sky
I am, as I like to say, riding the waves trying to
stay afloat
not take on water
I can tell when small things start to test me
and just how easily mounting trifles annoy
I tell my husband first thing, not too expect much from me today
I am most unagreeable
and really only deserve my own company
a few curt answers and large sighs, and I think he’s got the message
this is in the nature of love
when I am good enough to warn, and he
is kind enough
so,  instead of compounding my mood
with mounting irritation
I make a choice to ease myself through
I take a vow of – well not silence exactly ..  but a certain, quietness
so I wander a little, then
if one is moving it is terribly hot,
however, if one is sitting peacefully still, it is gloriously
scorching sunshiny splendour
I sit and watch the yellow finches at the feeder
and enjoy the steadfast company of the fish
I happily note the number of times I have watched a Monarch floating by
sitting on the milkweed
as well as a couple of darling little white and pale yellowish
frequent flutterbys dancing around me
I listen to the cicada sing and think this is the first one I have heard this year
I watch the bees come and go from the trumpet vine,  legs heavy with pollen
a wonderful time to be ..  a bee
I marvel at just how many tadpoles are still in the tadpole stage
all heads and swishy tails
a quiet walk leads to the wonderful discovery of a flowering cornflower
delightful, as I have tried many times to import them from
rougher terrain
and finally, just one has appeared
in beautiful cornflower blue (imagine!)
a familiar call, from the branches behind and I watch as the chick-a-dee family
land in the dogwood
and then sneak in for a splash in the pool
while I attempt to capture a few snaps, the fish try hard to get my attention
by making the loudest kissing noises,  cheeky!
suddenly I can feel myself

I look up again at the sky,  it is the brightest blue
and the sun warm and inviting
shines through in fiery comfort
adding spice to skin
I close my eyes
I am ease…

from the speaker I can hear
the lovely Allison Krauss and James Taylor singing,

♪ How’s the World Treating You ♪

when I open my eyes, and look down at the dapples of sunlight shining through
the wisteria vine
I spot in the shadows, a heart
once again I am reminded
even on the tougher days..
I am love

and for this,  always, always
I am
gratitude ♥

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