Tamara Willems

a scattering of thoughts…

I started writing this morning,  it is Friday after all,
my day
I start to tell you
just how peaceably it begins for me with a
smile
thoughts on a day to myself
a restful house, a quiet read
the day, overcast and humid
the garden in a kind of stilted state of late summer’s
fading beauty
and unfortunately a very grand day it would seem
for mosquitoes
who do appear today, as quite fond of
my deliciously bare flesh
it is the loveliness of things accompanied by the sort of bothersome-ness of
others
has me thinking,
perhaps this is itself the very fine balance
of life

now it is afternoon,
and I just abandon the words sitting at the top of the page…
untouched
and start a sort of
rewrite

the sun starting to shine through the clouds
the sky between is
blue
as I flip through pictures of the flowers,  I took this morning
in gratefulness I am lavishing a day that is mine
but too
I am missing my husband, who I haven’t seen since the five minutes
we had together yesterday morning
while I know he was in bed last night
beside me
feeling so very tired, I barely budged when he left this morning
instead, I am greeted with a little note, left on a pad
words of
love
as I haven’t had much time to write this week
I am feeling a little unbalanced
between a day to myself,
and really wishing for the company
of the one I love
or is it the ratio of clouds to sunshine
that seem to be
reflecting my mood

in the midst of writing this morning
I do a ‘quick’ check in to twitter (mostly because it told me to!)
…  and every time I wonder why I am there
I don’t tweet much
I don’t get it,  well I guess I get it,  but certainly there is a small fear of
not measuring up (it sometimes feels like a bully culture)
possibly it is doubtful I have the skin
for it
what is it I might have to say? and really who would care?
I don’t feel much like a billboard kind of person,  no, I am much more a sort of
post-it note kind of girl
I prefer I guess to be a fly on the wall
and (shockingly I know) –  to just ..  read
I like intelligent minds, intelligent thoughts and
people who make me laugh
so mostly that’s why
I’m there
I don’t contribute much

truth be told,  I don’t know how much I contribute here either   (I think I’m rambling..)
mostly it’s just like talking to myself
about my day,  thoughts I have or things I have seen
sometimes
it’s recognizing moods and feelings,
(we all have ‘em)
talking myself ..  through
it’s my hope I guess, that my words become like a mirror
for beautiful things
where possibly we see
each other
or maybe like a little frame
around some small simple thing that you may have overlooked
maybe..
it brings a smile to your face
or warms your heart a little

and if it does,
well,  that feels like something to contribute

to me
that feels like
love  ♥

 

(ps.  thank you for being here,  I do appreciate your company)

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