Tamara Willems

with a blue balloon…

It starts with a blue balloon…

today it starts with a blue balloon
that seems to have wandered off
and a little drummer bear (one of those solar things)
in the window
who curiously begins tapping out a heartbeat kind of sound,
instead of his usual rhythm

first the balloon,  that has been around since early October
left over from my daughter’s birthday
that my husband, at some point had stashed in the laundry room
to get them out of his way
and I, in a moment of frustration,  tired of having them under my feet
had ushered out the door
to freedom
the red ones have since burst or shriveled up in freeze
but this blue one with the white stars had lodged itself in the garden
along the fence line
and has endeared itself to me by somehow so far
surviving the cold and wind
this morning though,  as I am sat reading
I notice the blue balloon with the white stars
is on the move
it’s a cold and blustery morning, and I have had a fitful sleep
my husband has had to leave in the middle of the night
a six hour drive to attend a celebration of life for his Aunt
and although I am not fully awake,  I know precisely when the bed starts to feel empty
and just when I begin my silent prayers for safe travels
I am also aware that I am holding worries and concerns for people that I love
who are now dealing with things, one wishes they didn’t have to
and the helpless feeling of too many miles as well as the failure of my magic powers
to make things not
so
for someone dear

when I look up from my book, I suddenly notice that
the blue balloon with the white stars is missing!
and it sets in a slight bit of panic
after all of this time of survival…   where could it have gone?
when too many thoughts inside my head continue to interrupt my reading
I decide instead to go outside
the chill in the air turns my wet hair almost instantly to a frozen crown
I smile to myself thinking of just who might be scolding me for risking my ‘death of cold ’
as I go about filling the feeders
and wander with my camera, always open to signs of beauty
the wind blows and I hug my husband’s jacket closer to my body
(even though the arms in it are mine)
further along,  I spot it
the blue balloon with the white stars in among the dried hydrangea
and I am comforted to find it
still
here

of course the obvious lesson is again the reminder
that nothing
is within our control
and just how important it is to actively cherish
the people and things
that we
love

today
it starts with a blue balloon
and worry

later, a return to my chair
and to things that I know…
a chat with my brother-in-law
thoughts of familial comfort
and love

the little drummer bear who sits in the window
beside me
starts to tap out a sound like a heartbeat
and a sky that was completely white
turns blue
the sun streams in through the window
so bright in your eyes
one can’t help but letting them gently close
as you smile and whisper
your daily words
of
gratitude

as just then…  it starts
to
snow  ♥

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