Tamara Willems

holding on to lovely things…

Today I am so mad I could spit
but I won’t,  cause that’s kind of disgusting
my ears are plugged
and my sinuses are plugged and I think I know why
as I am filled
with ruinous indignation

today I tell my husband, people now have this thing
for setting words for the new year, instead of resolutions
I think mine for this year
will be
F    *   #   *    !!
Shouted Really LOUD,   Bold and  IN ALL CAPS
(funny he knows,  as I don’t even write it..  )

today I am internally seething with a caustic outrage
at our ridiculous version of senior care
where there is no best interest of a human being
who has lived a long life and deserves at the very least,  dignity
and respect,  human decency…
no
where instead the best interest lies in making money,
in convenience and in pushing things into the tiniest possible corner
as to not have to face or own mortality

today I am fuming
about things beyond my control
that are not
right…

while last night I was ready to step into the ring
today,  trying hard not to lash out at those I love
I am
quietly pleading,
begging the universe
for answers…

slipping into my husband’s big boots
I go out to fill the feeders,  the morning air briskly fresh
and the rather delinquent sun making an early appearance
has the light covering of fresh snow
taking on
an opulent sparkle

deep breath in…

in utter frustration what comes to me is
be still and know…

but I don’t know,
I don’t

in matters of money, convenience and denial
where then…    is kindness?
how do we ever keep ourselves…
soft
and why is it not already in us
to do
no
harm

as always then, I take it to the garden
my peaceful place of wisdom
and knowing
instead of answers,  at the very least
expecting
I’ll find the kind of
peace
that soothes

to breathing deep
and to an easing
of ire
I walk…

today then,
instead of shouting obscenities
into the wind
I am taking gentle giant steps in
large boots

and finding simple joy
in the sight of tiny birdie feet

in fresh snow   ♥

“For lack of attention a thousand forms of loveliness
elude us every day”. ~ Evelyn Underhill

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