Tamara Willems

thoughts on sunshine…

This morning I am reading Moments of Seeing: Reflections from an Ordinary Life by Katrina Kenison, a book that I pre-ordered as soon as I knew of it, probably a Mother’s Day or Birthday gift to myself.  When it arrived,  I added it to my to-be-read pile and there it sat.  With no disrespect to Katrina, it sat.. as yet unopened.   Yet one that I already knew I would love,  and I just kept jumping into others..  feet first.
Katrina’s voice comes to me at precisely the right moments ..  every time.  We first became friends (in my own mind and heart – as we don’t even know each other) through her book The Gift of an Ordinary Day –  which I came upon at a time when my first born was set to go off to University and I was having such a terrible time adjusting to how on earth I would ever be able to let go of all the worry, the releasing and wondering if in any way I had even prepared my children to face the world.  (still not wholly sure of that one!) 
Followed by Magical Journey: An Apprenticeship in Contentment,  which again gloriously echoed so many of my own thoughts, I connected to immediately.  Both beautiful books also happen to have arrived with book plates inscribed to me in Katrina’s own handwriting,  so one could see why I might consider us friends.  (smile)

This morning as I read, I am surprised to see it was published in 2016 and I have let it sit.  Still I do have a certain belief that often books arrive at precisely the right time, and this morning’s lovely visit, coffee and a chat with my friend Katrina, appears to be exactly what I was needing.
As I am reading about feelings of inadequacy, a certain unworthiness, a time of not being needed so much by children, who are grown. Questions of what have I done, really…  what am I doing that even matters?  So many things I could/should be doing… better. A dull sort of ache.  All too familiar, these nasty little pecks we take of our own skin, garner tears as I know exactly what I have been doing (am indeed doing) ..     to myself.  
There are times when it is nice to know that one is not so very unique, always to appreciate a very kind heart and too,  a visit with a friend.  (even if only I know we are friends!)

When I finish my reading, I log on to the ‘outside’ world.  Almost instantly I am greeted by snide bits of bother that tend to make up our nature.  My fingers tingle to respond to a ridiculous little barb, point out how very hypocritical the statement is, by a seemingly intelligent person.  Steam rises.  Ugh,  I think to myself..  I just want no part of your nasty politics today, or any day really.
As well I know what responding to such a statement brings.  You are not posting such things for actual facts, open discussion,  or personal consideration of whom you are directing your vile at – a person same as you, with a family, children…  a fellow human.  I wonder should you spit those words onto a mirror how would you feel when they hit your own skin,  or your family??? 
I know the appeal here is just shouts in a crowd, man at a bar type mentality, a virtual – “Whose with me, Am I right!?!”   
Now then, You are the bully. Does this then make you smart? Is it unkindness that you are trying to promote?
I just wonder,  if you think ..  ..  first. 
I don’t respond, I keep my reactions to myself.  I don’t really wish to engage,
I know how this goes…
Words are important to me, and how they are used, sometimes I just think… such a waste.

So what I’m thinking about today is what it is you wish to put out into the world.  What is it you want your children to see,  or someone you love, someone you haven’t met    yet.  What kind of words would you wish someone to happen upon, should that be all that is left ..  of you.
And if such sticks to your skin, how would you like it
to feel?

Like love, like sunshine,  a slight tickle… a gentle touch,
maybe a hug, a slightly off centre poke in the ribs
or nourishing food for thought.

Or possibly,  just like a nice visit
with a friend.

I know which one I choose. ♥

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