Tamara Willems

sorry August, I’m blaming you…

Somehow it suddenly became
August, and I feel as though I have not sat enough
it is a gorgeous morning, so I sit with coffee
my book and the dogs,  the three of us
contentedly drifting
through peaceful pleasures
my husband eventually comes out to join us
fills my cup, tell us about his day yesterday, golfing with friends
I look up at the vast blue sky, with a sly grin, I say to him
uh oh… one of the neighbours is down, the buzzards are circling
as above I can see six turkey vultures circling the sky
and then they go
a few minutes later, an ambulance arrives at the house
across the street, one of our dear ladies
our yard is such that from outside you cannot see
the street
so I head inside to the big front window, where I stand
and start my silent mantra for our dear one
May you be happy and healthy, May you be safe and at ease
(and whatever the outcome)  May you be
at peace
this I repeat over and over, until eventually I see the paramedics
walking my neighbour out
and she is off, one would assume…  for observation
this lovely lady is forever telling me she is old
and I think of how tiny she looks with a paramedic on either side of her
from my window, I send her
love and kindness to go with her
and them
soon enough my husband is off to teach golf lessons
I have barely had ten minutes with him
I can feel myself
annoyed by this..
no time for connection
also I know I am annoyed by these nasty moods that again
swallow me up
after only a couple of days reprieve
friends have invited us out
and while these are the loveliest of friends
I can’t tell you how much, I am wanting him to go
on his own
mostly I suppose because I
am in a loathsome
and I wonder why it is he cannot hear me
when I am in
possibly it is because most of the incessant talking
goes on
inside my body
and I try hard sometimes to not drag anyone else in
with me
(too many bullies)
so today, for a time
I sit in the sun
I turn my face… up to the vast open sky
and let the tears

May you be happy and healthy
May you be safe
and at ease
May love and kindness surround you

and above all
however you get there…
(even if it is your own self-induced time out)

May you be peace ♥

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