Tamara Willems

befuddled by life…

What if you never do anything of any importance in the world?
What if you never did anything
good?

who’s the judge and what are the rules?

I have this thing for voicing things I don’t
understand
I don’t understand the logic in this, the thought process, the end goal
the un-bothered cruelty
the
unthinking-ness
the subtly unkind
the unnecessary spite…
I try to be open to understanding, to separate ego
not to be
easily bruised
but the tightness in my jaw, gives me away

I think often of things we allow
and should
not
of things we endure and bear witness
to
of things we spend our time on
or often run away from

yesterday I come home feeling rather beaten, in spirit
(as I have been for many weeks now)
I’ve been annoyed and angered, frustrated and bothered
I feel as if a kind and peaceful self has been stomping around
in rather large and angry
boots
that really,  are just not my size

and today, I am wanting
still
the softening of a day, the gentleness of love
I am sitting with a book, while the sunshine caresses the skin on the back of my hand
(as it is,
 covered in small cuts and scars)
I am exhaling large sighs that feel like
a sinking
I am trying to unfurl, while leaving aside the swirl
of conversations in my head
that seem to want,
a going over
decisions to be made…
my chair becomes an island, where I can sit and listen to
the calm, cool, comforting lap of water
while gazing up at the beauty
and vastness
of a bluer than blue sky
that shines

yesterday Carrie Anne Moss brings me, “I am no longer willing to sacrifice my peace..”
and today I try to breathe this in
s-l-o-w…

because this is what I want to bring
to this world
a kind loving heart and a
peaceful spirit and mind

whether that proves to mean anything on a
larger scale
isn’t for me to know

what I do know,
is this is me
and this
is all I have…

so today,  I am resting ♥

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