Tamara Willems

and a light breeze…

Have I ever told you, there are times
sometimes, well
most times
when I am afraid of the world
outside, (I’m sure I have)
that sometimes I won’t go outside the front gate
even to look at the flowers
without delving too deep
there may be contributing factors
to this, of course
and some days I know, it is simply the shifting of hormones
in the body or the brain
yet another reason
I love
the quiet sanctuary of my garden

the first conversation of the day, is
a sort of acknowledging joyful bow to the flowers
where I say to them (and always out loud)
‘oh, I am so happy you’re ok,  I am sorry
that you get so dry’
my husband has been out to water early
before he goes

today is my day off, my Friday
as it’s known
everyone in the house is preparing to
scatter
and do so, one by
one
except me, as I have a very real need to
stay,
just
here

a day to myself, where I am feeling rather sponge like
open to absorbing,
beautiful things, honesty, courage and grace
but also,
the hurt, the rage, the fear
of
others… unavoidably, carrying

all week wrestling with how to deal when someone shows you
their true colours
and how ..  this saddens
or rather,
disappoints

how very often I say, I do not understand
ignorance
there is no viable excuse for it
and mostly
i don’t care to

I’m looking at my children as they start their days,
marveling at the parts of them I recognize as my own
and their Dad’s
amazed at the individual unique parts
all them
and just how very wonderful they, each of them
in my estimation
are

for some reason, I’m thinking about being smart
and how I confidently believe myself to be
not as a smarter-than, not a smart-as…
just happy to be my own kind of
smart
which I find through reading, through listening
and learning, keeping oneself open
allowing
and in things I instinctively know in my heart
to be
true
things already written on my
skin
and how very important it can be to be true
to oneself

I’m reading about books, about readers
and writers
feeling each word, like a
breath

I am I guess, feeling the day, composing thoughts in my head
and wanting to write it all down
even at the risk of exposing too much
as I feel today, my heart could pour

I am wanting again to say Thank you
if you happen to travel these words of mine
and not simply think me quite mad, or
kind of… but in a good way
if you have taken the time to allow me to ramble
to live
in the questions of life

hoping somehow that the words might connect us
and make us feel
real

I am thinking about big things
small things,
about things that I love
that love
me

I am today laying it down
releasing a little and resting myself in gratitude
and a light breeze ♥

and I hope, that this day
treats you kind.

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