Tamara Willems

the beat of my heart…

I have what is known as a heart murmur, 
described to me as 
one valve smaller, and the need for the heart to pump 
a little bit more to get the blood through
so essentially what I have  
is an extra heartbeat 

that little beat, that reminds you 

What would you say  
is your biggest fear? What  
The immediate, top-of-my-head answer is always 
which is indeed true 
I don’t like being surrounded by a lot of people 
the uncertainty of  
more often of late, I do not like the chaotic nature 
of energies that prevail 
the underlying thing I suppose is  
what I value most,  

this comes in part from earliest memory, I have of 
being in an unknown place (the hospital) 
surrounded by  
unknown people (doctors, nurses, interns, etc..)
having my heart monitored, for this very reason
me, so small and absolutely terrified of the
being wheeled through a tunnel that connected the old hospital
to the children’s hospital and nursing residence 
to my young memory a dark and scary place

always being quite shy and other things of childhood have added
to fears 
some I have talked about before 
some not 
all pieces of me  
pieces sometimes… that may

I do know my weaknesses, as well though 
I do know my 
there will always be unfamiliars and 
things we cannot control, change 
rewind, re- 
but this is where I ground myself in love 
for me, surrounding myself 
connecting to, as well as centering myself in love 
is where I find my safe place 
it allows me to ‘hold my own hand’ so to speak 
for safety 
while also opening me up to holding yours too 
should you need 
possibly my life has been guided by that small murmur 
and there is kindness in that 
to me, that extra little beat of my heart 
sounds kind of 
wonderful, fitting really 
for a heart that is kind 
always open to love
in this wild world

often requires just that little bit
extra  ♥

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