A winter storm that strangely comes
with thunder and frequent
wild flashes of lightning
under the great weight
of heavy wet snow
a large branch falls from a tree
in the garden
and crashes to the ground…
the loss of someone
who has been fighting their own demons
for so very long
sits
somewhere, uncomfortably
in the pit
of your
stomach
has one feeling… what
exactly
days when one wishes
they knew nothing at all about addictions
the very vicious circles or rather
fate-filled crazy eights
the all too familiar nasty game of
snakes
and
ladders
that pulls one in
and under
and how hard it sometimes is
to find the strength
to climb
the very cruelness of
how much easier it becomes
just
to
slide
the widening ripple effects
of lives touched
so much loss for a dear family
proud, proud father
of his own
and a wide circle of friends
with almost nothing to try to makes sense of
just
great sadness
but oh
for the fond memories
from brighter days
these are things
we’ll remember most
these
are the things
to remember
most ((
))
With love and care and peace
to find you 
**if I could just add a small addendum to this post:
thoughts on a morning as the sun
rises,
You know, I can still clearly remember the first time
he told me
he thought he had a real problem with cocaine
gosh, thinking now,
we were so young and so,
so
unsure
we held on to each other and
we both cried
it has been many, many years since then
since we were
wildish crazy kids together
most days it feels like
a fine few lifetimes ago
never had any animosity between us
always remained friends
and I was thinking,
if those big unseasonal flashes of lighting last night
followed by the morning’s
bright beautiful sunshine
tell us anything about life…
I think to be remembered, and to
have mattered
is the thing
I know he’d like that
and to always value the friends you make
along the way
always
the ones who help you
the ones who
hold you
and the ones who made you smile
be kind to each other 
( to friends who have reached out to me again I thank you,
your kindness is always appreciated 
)
