Tamara Willems

where today I am love…

Yesterday morning, much to do
much to
look forward to
I begin in tears

I am feeling scared, a little overwhelmed
for many reasons
and I still
cannot breathe properly thanks to the combination of
allergies and covid,
which really affects
my sleep
hormones have hit, as they do
end of the month sort of thing for me
and I am wanting

I share this not for sympathy, and not
as a cry for help
I share this as this is me
and life
and I do believe…  as many

anxiety is not a rational thing
it is not something one can just ‘you’ll be fine’ about
it is also a very real thing
and something important to recognize for our own

the reason I share this stuff, is to say
this is life… for some
not or certainly rarely,  is life perfection
as we may prefer to
present it
some days are messy
and often are ‘one foot in front of the other’ days
for me
and the next few will most likely be
those kinds of days

We have a notion of how things should be
should look
and some people are brilliant at it
creating precise detail of everything exactly so
but that
is not my thing, ever
often many of us strive so hard to create
that perfect picture, image, setting
while shame and/or fear of not
presenting well
slowly eats little holes in us

and one would wonder why we would voluntarily
do this
to ourselves

sure, to some degree from time to time
I fall prey to this
in certain circumstances
anxiety creeps in (not of my choosing)
and tries to take control
this contributes considerably to brain fog
panic, and almost always
useless procrastination,
that does nothing but feed
the fears

having said all that, yesterday too
once again I am touched considerably
a very, very dear heart(s) will remind me
that I

and this then
is where today,


outside with the birds, the dogs
and the
the morning sun
much, much gratitude for kindness
that surrounds

and for love

I am love.

May you be well my friends ♥ -^-

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