{"id":1003,"date":"2016-12-14T15:34:42","date_gmt":"2016-12-14T20:34:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/?p=1003"},"modified":"2016-12-14T15:34:42","modified_gmt":"2016-12-14T20:34:42","slug":"what-if-my-heart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/?p=1003","title":{"rendered":"what if my heart …"},"content":{"rendered":"

what if my heart never stops breaking ..<\/em><\/p>\n

then I suppose<\/em>
\nI shall <\/em>always\u00a0<\/em>see
\n<\/em>light\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

this morning, as many
\nI am trying to finish my book
\nwhile outside my window
\nbeautiful distractions keep calling me
\na cold winter breeze is blowing the trees
\nand as I look, \u00a0causing the sunlight to dazzlingly
\ndance on my face
\nthe birds are gathering at the feeder
\nand on the branches by the suet
\nsparrows a plenty, a little chickadee
\nand plump lovely juncos
\nMrs Cardinal as usual arrives to tap
\nat the window, making sure the cat
\nis awake to the day
\nthe sun glistens through a gorgeous little
\nchunk of ice on a tree branch
\nsparkling like a diamond
\nin my sight<\/p>\n

returning to my book
\nI make my way through the last five chapters
\nepilogue and acknowledgements
\nbut I am not certain just how much I
\nhave taken in
\nmy mind is wandering back
\nto a sadness
\nof heart
\nto a Mother, who is facing
\nthe most devastating loss
\nsomeone I know…
\nbut don’t really know,
\nwe are connected by those
\ninvisible threads of life
\nand love
\nchildren, and family
\nnamely my beloved Aunt Pat and Uncle John
\nwe met once
\nin their yard, not sure if you remember
\nwhen our children were small
\nand now news that you and your husband
\nhave lost\u00a0a son,
\nthe same age as one of my daughters
\nand your own daughter
\nalso the same age as one of mine
\nhas a lost a brother
\nand there is just no way possible
\nto imagine
\nsuch overwhelming grief
\nas this
\nand my heart is aching
\nfor your family
\nso suddenly
\nwithout<\/p>\n

tears well
\nand words stumble and collide
\nin a massive pile up
\nin my throat
\nhow to possibly offer
\ncomfort, peace
\nor Love
\nin the midst of such
\nheartbreak
\nto someone I barely know
\nexcept to say
\nI feel you dear Mother
\nand my heart aches for you
\nin your loss
\nI am keeping you in my thoughts
\nbut how can this possibly
\ncomfort you?
\nif only I could carry just a small bit
\nof the weight of grief
\nyou bear
\nto somehow ease your burden
\nand in doing so
\nto offer you light
\nand Love to surround you
\nand to keep you
\nwhole
\nand maybe
\nwe hold tight to those invisible threads
\nthat keeps us
\nconnected
\nwhen sometimes, it feels like
\nthat’s all we’ve got<\/p>\n

as I write these few words,
\nI look up to the window
\nto try and pool the tears
\nwhere they gather
\nI look up, \u00a0almost to the top
\nof my very large cedar tree
\nbehind it the sky is blue,
\nthe sun is shining it’s best
\nbehind thick clouds,<\/p>\n

and softly my eyes
\nfocus on this
\nlovely heart of snow
\nsnuggled in
\nthe branches \u2665<\/p>\n

\"img_5112\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

what if my heart never stops breaking .. then I suppose I shall always\u00a0see light\u00a0 this morning, as many I am trying to finish my book while outside my window beautiful distractions keep calling me a cold winter breeze is…
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