{"id":1036,"date":"2017-01-04T14:08:08","date_gmt":"2017-01-04T19:08:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/?p=1036"},"modified":"2017-01-04T15:10:12","modified_gmt":"2017-01-04T20:10:12","slug":"1036","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/?p=1036","title":{"rendered":"these words, and Bruce and … me"},"content":{"rendered":"

This morning my husband and I sit with coffee, quietly reading our books.\u00a0 My day off, and he with just a bit of time before he heads off to work, so we share this little luxury, togetherness.
\nHe\u2019s just started reading a book I gave him for Christmas, and I ask him how it is so far.\u00a0 He says, \u201cit\u2019s really good, he writes like you do\u201d
\nNow just to qualify this, the book he is reading is Born to Run by Bruce Springsteen, and I have not yet read it, so I am not sure if this is a compliment, or if he means possibly that Bruce is blathering on about seemingly nothing.
\nSo I say to him, \u201cwell he is an intelligent man, and I \u2026\u00a0\u00a0 \u2026 (laughing) am a very intelligent woman!\u201d
\nLater, in my morning, after he\u2019s gone, this comes back to me in a large smile, and my heart swells.
\nWhenever I tell my husband about someone he doesn\u2019t know liking or commenting or responding to something I have written, or when I have read something wonderful, \u00a0I always preface it by saying \u201cJena, or Nicole or Shawna or others I have connected with \u2013 she\u2019s a \u2018real<\/u><\/strong>\u2019 writer.\u201d
\nLately he\u2019s started tilting his head a little and correcting me – \u201cYou\u2019re a \u2018real\u2019 writer\u2019.
\nWhile it\u2019s true, I do write..\u00a0 and now I share..
\nI guess it\u2019s the old \u2018impostor syndrome\u2019 – the inner critic, the uncertainty, expecting a \u2018who cares\u2019 and \u2018would you please stop\u2019.
\nI write mostly for myself, I guess.\u00a0 It\u2019s kind of my way of talking to myself \u2013
\nout loud
\nof making sense of things
\nthis is what I\u2019m thinking,
\nfeeling
\nof capturing a moment
\nof saying this is me,\u00a0 yeah, you too?
\nBeing a rather shy person, I often write in short sentences
\nsometimes someone will say \u2018your poem\u2019
\nI don\u2019t know if I write poems
\nthis is just how
\nthoughts come out
\npartially it comes from my shamefully shoddy use of the english language, punctuation and capital letters
\nmostly it comes from that feeling of saying something, and then suddenly realizing,
\neyes are on you
\nand
\nI guess I have said this
\nout loud
\nand really who cares to listen to you anyway, and JUSTSTOPTALKINGNOW
\nshrinking violet<\/p>\n

Then at some point, a friend encouraged me
\nto share it
\nand someone, (usually a friend)
\nread it
\nand maybe somebody said,
\nthank you
\nor
\nme too
\nand I began to leave my thoughts here, in this way on little scraps of paper
\nleft out
\non a table
\nor tucked into
\na book
\nunder a cup
\none day
\nto be discovered
\nin a drawer
\nwaiting
\nhoping maybe they\u2019d find you
\nand
\nmaybe
\nyou\u2019d smile
\nat the thought<\/p>\n

but for today, I think I\u2019ll just bask in the thoughts of me and Bruce Springsteen
\nsharing some words
\nwith my husband
\nand our coffee<\/p>\n

together<\/p>\n

and maybe
\nsince I have written this down,
\nafter I have
\nattached my name
\nat the end
\nI\u2019ll allow myself
\nthe courage
\nto say
\nmaybe
\nI am
\na
\n\u2018real\u2019
\nwriter \u2665<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This morning my husband and I sit with coffee, quietly reading our books.\u00a0 My day off, and he with just a bit of time before he heads off to work, so we share this little luxury, togetherness. He\u2019s just started…
Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1037,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1036","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1036","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1036"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1036\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1043,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1036\/revisions\/1043"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1037"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1036"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1036"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1036"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}