February 24th, and here\u2019s what I remember\u2026
\na morning phone call from my Mom,
\nto say that my Dad had died in the night
\nand could I
\nmake the necessary phone calls
\nfirst my sister overseas,
\nmy Aunt Maureen, then
\nmy Aunt Pat and Uncle John
\nmind racing wondering what numbers I could find
\nand who to call
\neverything else becomes a quick
\nblur of motion
\nand necessity
\na long sometimes seemingly endless battle with
\nalcohol ended
\nbrain cancer having laid
\nto
\nrest<\/p>\n
walking my kids to school, carrying a travel cup of coffee
\nand day after day
\ncrying the five blocks home
\nheading to my Mom\u2019s, to deal with
\nthe demands of the after-ness
\nof a life
\nand a
\ndeath<\/p>\n
the constant rattle of the phone
\nnever my favourite
\nintrusion
\ncalls coming from family and friends
\nconversations peppered with sympathy, grief
\nbitterness and resentment
\nand even to some small degree
\nrelief<\/p>\n
I remember the day of the funeral
\na kind of moving through fog
\noutside of myself, unsure
\nand when the minister stops for a brief prayer with the family
\nbefore we begin
\nI remember the bone crushing weight
\nof grief
\nthe compounding reality
\nquickly rushing in and surrounding me
\nIn absolute devastation
\nwhere every sound becomes
\nnothing but the unstoppable flood of tears
\nthreatening
\nto choke me, and I can hardly breathe<\/p>\n
I remember after…
\npicking up my Dad\u2019s hat
\nand the small box
\nthat now, was all that was left of him
\nand being surprised at the weight
\nof only
\nashes<\/p>\n
just a few days before
\nI had had to take hold of the front of his coat
\nto guide him, as he could no longer see well
\nand sitting him gently in a wheelchair at the hospital
\nsetting each foot in to rest
\nas I wheeled him to x-ray<\/p>\n
I remember the last time
\ntalking to him on phone
\ntelling him, if he needed anything, anything
\njust to call
\nand he kind of laughed<\/p>\n
I remember going to bed that night
\nin complete exhaustion
\nand waking up
\nalready in tears<\/p>\n
I remember thinking how very sad
\nthat he had died
\nhow very, very
\nsad<\/p>\n
but mostly I remember
\nhow he used to rub my toes, when they were cold
\nand make me really good tomato sandwiches,
\nwith very nearly burnt toast
\nand lots of mayonnaise
\nbecause that\u2019s how I liked them<\/p>\n
I remember how very smart he was
\nand how wherever he was,
\nhe liked to just sit quietly
\nand read<\/p>\n
so today, as it is February 24th
\ntoday I sit with the memories
\nof my Dad
\nwhile I read<\/p>\n
I sit
\nwith a few tears and a smile
\nat the things I remember
\nI swallow hard,
\nand maybe I’ve written this all before….<\/p>\n
but this is sometimes how we find the comfort
\nand the
\ngratitude even in loss
\nit’s in the people and the things that
\nwe sit with
\nand yes, that sit
\nwith
\nus
\nwhen we need them<\/p>\n
and so to you this day
\nbe the reason
\nsomeone smiles today
\nand
\nas the lasting thing
\nmy Dad would always say<\/p>\n
be gentle \u2665<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
February 24th, and here\u2019s what I remember\u2026 a morning phone call from my Mom, to say that my Dad had died in the night and could I make the necessary phone calls first my sister overseas, my Aunt Maureen, then…
Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1140,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1139","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1139","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1139"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1139\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1145,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1139\/revisions\/1145"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1140"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1139"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1139"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1139"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}