<\/p>\n
Today I\u2019m thinking about Love and loss and how they change one\u2019s perspective
\non
\nthings
\nand how still, \u00a0to return to gratitude<\/p>\n
My turtle has died and I am gutted.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s ok, I can see eyes rolling, sideways glances\u2026\u00a0\u00a0 walking away
\nBut let me tell you about my friend.
\nAs most stories about Love with me start, this one too starts with my husband \u2013 who knows my heart so well,\u00a0 he knows for me it\u2019s not diamonds or mansions.
\nInstead, one day he brought home for me a little painted turtle,\u00a0 and I called him James. \u00a0He was a lovely quiet fellow, and I loved him dearly.
\nHe has been my joy for many, many years now.\u00a0 The first good morning I say is to James, \u00a0every day, as I turn on his \u2018sunshine\u2019.\u00a0 The last one I say goodnight to on my way up the stairs.<\/p>\n
Love changes our perspective on things.<\/strong><\/p>\n Probably the only one I would be so keen to find a big fat juicy worm for,\u00a0 to pull it enthusiastically from the earth and carry it squirming in my fingers through the house to offer up as a gourmet meal. I marveled at how many different ways he could fall asleep.\u00a0 Tucked up snuggly in his shell, up on the dock. Or deep down underwater, in a quiet corner.\u00a0 Sometimes head inside, limbs sticking out, shell standing upright on an angle. Sometimes head out, limbs in. \u00a0Nose down in a dive position, one leg out but sound asleep. \u00a0 He was a marvel,\u00a0 and we have loved him every day for probably 13 years now. Loss changes our perspective on things.<\/strong><\/p>\n This morning, I sit quietly and read, \u00a0enjoying my coffee and a luxuriously lazy sit.\u00a0 When I decide it is probably time I should be moving, and head upstairs for my shower,\u00a0 I am feeling wonderfully serene.\u00a0 I pass by James and stop to ask him what he is doing sitting on yet another crazy angle.\u00a0\u00a0 Then, suddenly I realize ..\u00a0\u00a0 we have lost him. I know you might say, it\u2019s just a turtle, Gratitude changes our perspective on things.<\/strong><\/p>\n And so, once again, \u00a0I go back to my place in the sun but he stays in a special place this is my and I breathe …<\/p>\n goodbye James and Thank you you have given \u2665<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Today I\u2019m thinking about Love and loss and how they change one\u2019s perspective on things and how still, \u00a0to return to gratitude My turtle has died and I am gutted. That\u2019s ok, I can see eyes rolling, sideways glances\u2026\u00a0\u00a0…
\nTo walking on a rainy day and spotting worms everywhere, and wondering how many I could carry at once, and just how crazy would I appear in a public place, and what would I do with them all day at work?
\nWe also shared a fondness for organic salad which I brought home especially with him in mind, quite proud to say \u2018my turtle loves it!\u2019<\/p>\n
\nAt times, I struggled with whether we were keeping him safe and giving him a good life,
\nor
\nwhether we were indeed holding him
\ncaptive.
\nSelfish in our love.<\/p>\n
\nGreat sadness and flashes of guilt begin to wash over me – When I said good morning \u2026\u00a0 did I even look at him?\u00a0 Did I really see him last night, when I turned off his light? \u00a0But I did look at him last night, of course – I always do to see where he is sleeping. \u00a0 Oh, James\u2026
\nI walk up the stairs and then back down a few times, finally I decide to cover his tank with a blanket, until I have fully taken this in, and feel I can deal with it.
\nAfter my shower, I grab a fresh peach and head outside, it is hot and humid for mid-September, and the sky is cloudy. Everything feels damp. \u00a0 I stop at the pond but only briefly.\u00a0 My peach is mush, with not much flavour at all.\u00a0 I look to my flower garden, but today it all looks rather dull. Mostly what I see, is how the season is turning .. in rather unflattering ways. I walk a little and look up at the sky, one side is still blue, but mostly it seems devoid of colour. \u00a0 Then,\u00a0 the sun shines through a cloud and down on me.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And instead of my smile,\u00a0 tears fill and start to fall, and I feel that familiar ache
\nof loss.<\/p>\n
\nbut it\u2019s hard this…
\nI know, that without Love we wouldn\u2019t feel this loss
\nand without loss
\nwe wouldn\u2019t really know Love<\/p>\n
\nand I offer up my gratitude, fully
\nfor love
\nfor my little friend
\nas I will miss him<\/p>\n
\nin the expansion
\nof
\nmy
\nheart<\/p>\n
\nplace<\/p>\n
\nI AM grateful
\nso
\nI smile,
\nand then<\/p>\n
\nfor all<\/p>\n
Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1579,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1569","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1569","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1569"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1569\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1581,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1569\/revisions\/1581"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1579"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1569"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1569"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1569"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}