This morning I am so socked in from my allergies
\nthat I can hardly breathe in
\nand as per most mornings, the fingers on my right hand are very slow
\nto move
\nfeeling so very bone tired this week,
\nI have started my day with a much needed, lie in
\nearly to bed \u2026\u00a0 late to rise
\nand even this does not start my day with a smile
\nbut rather a whinge-ful drag of myself down the stairs
\nand a grumble into the kitchen
\nwhen I finally do get to my coffee, I stumble zombie-like outside for a sit
\nand It\u2019s the most glorious day,\u00a0 waiting
\nto see
\nme
\nsunshine and birdsong
\nwhen I look up at the sky, it is as blue as blue could possibly be
\nas far as the eye can see
\nit feels infinite\u2026\u00a0 and now looking up,\u00a0 is when I smile
\nI feed the birds, fill up the bird baths and then
\nI feed the fish
\nwhile I sit quietly soaking this in, I think about just how very much I appreciate
\nthe company of fish
\nI write often about the pond, its peace and tranquility
\nand just how much time I spend,\u00a0 gazing here
\nwhat is known to us now as the \u2018big\u2019 pond is in a state of transition
\nthis year it is in need of a large bit of maintenance, and we are reluctant to disturb much,\u00a0 as among other wild life – it is currently full of tadpoles
\nand so it sits, completely covered over in duckweed, and I am unable to watch much
\nor see beyond the
\nmystery
\nthe bright spot here is that this year we have added another \u2018little\u2019 pond
\nand we decided to put it in just beside where we sit most often
\nit is quite small, it reminds me of my grandmothers, which was to be found in the garden
\njust outside the back door
\nthis morning while I sit with my coffee and book, sunshine on one shoulder
\nunder a vast blue sky
\nI watch the fish, and we enjoy a kind of telepathic conversation
\nI am floating rather luxuriously I guess you could say, through a wonderful book \u2013
\nthat I will speak about at another time
\nit is one that somehow seems to have been speaking to me, for awhile
\nand since finally acquiring it, I have held it and lightly brushed its cover with my fingertips
\nbut not yet opened
\nas to not spoil it before I had time to be consumed
\nI am not someone who reads for mass volume
\nthat is to say to get through as many as I can,\u00a0 I don\u2019t set a goal, or make a pledge
\nto read this many books by such a time
\nI like the ones that seem to find me
\nand I try to intentionally take in every word, when there are things I hope to learn
\nor words from someone who has me constantly nodding my head or
\nsuddenly closing the book and clutching it to my chest when I feel overwhelmed by the sensation that these words might possibly be written on my very own heart
\na pretty fantastic feeling, I can tell you
\nand this one, is just such a book
\nbut I will leave that for now, as I am only part way through,
\nand I just don\u2019t want to break the spell of this
\nso here I am sat in the company of my fish
\nand I am thinking about how very much I have come to enjoy and do very much need the beautiful solitude of my back garden
\nthe sanctity and for me the safety and comfort
\nof this
\nI am thinking about a few very important friends,\u00a0 that much like my fish
\nreally do honour me in the way that they seem to accept my alone-ness
\nhow they have remained the loveliest of cherished friends, knowing\u00a0 I don\u2019t use the telephone
\nI don\u2019t like \u2018the drop in\u2019
\nI don’t believe in ‘transactional’ friendship – you do this or else!
\nI don\u2019t engage a lot socially
\nand I don\u2019t really have any wish to be different
\nI like
\nto be
\nhere<\/p>\n
the baby cardinals come to the bird bath and I marvel in their glory
\nthey are so lovely, and I am so grateful that they find refuge in my garden every year
\nI watch the squirrels and a the little chipmunk as he gingerly sneaks his way in for treats
\nI make my rounds of greeting the flowers, sure to complement their beauty
\nthen again
\nI sit, just quietly, while we
\ncommune
\nthe sound of the gate makes me tumble out of my book
\nand I see my daughter\u2019s friend arrive
\na familiar face
\nfirst I notice her lovely striped dress, and her smile
\nand then
\nI notice\u2026\u00a0 she is pregnant
\na fact, I did not know, until just this moment
\nafter greetings, she goes into the house
\nand I have to walk to another part of the garden
\nas rather suddenly,\u00a0 I find myself swept with emotion,
\nunable to hold back tears
\ncaught somehow in the sadness of the world
\nin the
\nlost innocence of youth
\nin the sometimes desperate need to know
\nlove
\nand I love babies, I really do \u00a0and it is not my place nor my intention to judge
\nanyone, at any time
\nbut young girls having babies,\u00a0 just makes me so sad\u2026
\na lawn mower starts and I notice the smell of fresh cut grass
\na blue jay sweeps in and picks out a peanut
\na butterfly dances through my field of vision
\nand the fish come to the surface to whisper words of wisdom<\/p>\n
this I suppose is why I appreciate the solitude of my garden so very much
\nas I seem to ride on waves or currents of the wind
\nas the sadness of the world grabs hold
\nand then passes through my heart
\nI take it in,
\nand I cradle it there\u2026\u00a0 for just a little bit
\ni hold it, and then
\nI try to infuse it with love
\nbefore letting it go
\nback out
\non to the breeze<\/p>\n
I take a little walk,
\nI wipe a tear
\nI breathe (as best I can)
\nI expand myself with love,
\nwith light
\nwith gratitude<\/p>\n
and then..<\/p>\n
I go back
\nand sit for a time
\nand just listen…
\nto
\nthe
\nfish\u00a0 \u00a0\u2665<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"