On the inside of me
\nI am smiling
\nwide
\node to a peaceful morning,
\na fairly restful sleep, a much needed lie in
\nand the feeling of a Friday \u2013 no obligation day
\nI decline accompanying my husband and number two daughter
\non a shopping trip
\nas I am still not feeling great
\ndisruptive allergy yuck, I’ve dubbed it
\nalso
\nin part because I feel a very real need to press pause
\nor like in a TV show where someone presses freeze
\nand everything around is stilled
\nexcept for the one
\nwho is free to just
\nbe there
\nunfrozen in the
\nquiet
\nobserving
\nlife<\/p>\n
this is my feeling
\ncurrently all around me is motion
\nthe grey cloudy sky bursts open into sunshine
\nSweetie the canary is active and singing
\nin the other room, music is pumping as daughter number one works out
\nwhile I sit,\u00a0 just quiet
\nbeside me the little drummer bear
\ntaps out a steady beat
\nand a frosty wind is bringing back the cold<\/p>\n
I haven\u2019t had much time for writing
\nI haven\u2019t made much time
\nor allowed much time
\nor\u2026\u00a0 taken much
\ntime
\ntime should be of our choosing
\nbut what
\nwould we do
\nwith more
\ntime<\/p>\n
this week I watched Finding Your Roots on PBS
\nand as it is Black History Month
\nit featured two African Americans and their lineage
\ndescendants of slavery
\nneedless to say I can never understand man\u2019s cruelties
\nI watch baffled in unconscionable belief
\nas to how at a certain point, one decides, that now I own you
\nand I can sell you
\na fellow man, woman or child
\na fellow human<\/p>\n
I cannot understand<\/p>\n
I do know as most horrible things there is money, there is power
\nthere is always fear as the driving force
\nbut I cannot grasp just how this comes to be
\nenforced, allowed
\naccepted
\n(even though I can
\nwith my own eyes,
\nwitness much of the \u2018ground work\u2019 being laid by the current leader of a neighbouring nation)<\/p>\n
Also, I watched a documentary in french, sub-titled, not even sure what it was called
\non international students
\nthe students learning a new language in a new country
\nfor various reasons
\nsome seeking asylum, some for opportunities not afforded
\nto their gender, some just for higher learning
\nhow very difficult it can be, and must be
\nto be ostracized for your looks, your skin colour
\nyour style of dress, your religion,\u00a0 background or place
\nof origin
\nwhy is it we find it so difficult to be loving and kind
\nto one another
\nI do not know<\/p>\n
how can many\u2026 \u00a0ever think this is ok
\nor right<\/p>\n
I cannot\u2026<\/p>\n
I simply
\ncannot<\/p>\n
and so I continue to watch, to listen, to read, to
\nlearn
\nI hold a bit of the ache in my heart
\n(as if this could be of any help)
\nand I continue to question
\njust how it is we can sometimes be
\nso very
\ncruel
\nto one another
\nhow we can be consumed, convinced, cajoled
\ninto thinking any of this
\nis
\nOur
\nright<\/p>\n
outside, most of the snow has disappeared
\na few days of rain and mild temperatures
\nhave cleared away the fluff
\nas frigid air returns
\nwithout the covering of snow in the garden
\nfrom my window I can see in a tangle of branches
\nthe remains
\nof
\nblue balloon
\nhe sits by the fence
\ndeflated
\na final resting place
\nwhere it appears he has now succumbed
\nto the bitter
\ncold<\/p>\n
inevitable I suppose
\nbut what a heroic life<\/p>\n
I think today,
\nI\u2019ll take a quiet walk, to pay my respects
\nto bear witness, to acknowledge
\nand to express my gratitude<\/p>\n
for kindness
\nfor love
\nfor continued understanding
\nfor
\ngrounding<\/p>\n
and too
\nfor waking
\nto
\nthis blessed
\nlife<\/p>\n
perhaps then,
\non the inside of me
\nI realize<\/p>\n
is what remains
\nof
\nblue balloon \u2665<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"