This morning I am feeling a bit overwhelmed,
by life<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The sun is shining \u2026\u00a0 beautifully while I am sat to coffee with my love.\u00a0 In his chair across from mine, he is laughing to the point of tears while reading a book, by David Feherty, while I am breathing deeply and trying not to shed a stream of tears reading mine by the lovely Katrina Kenison.
Both of us pausing to share a few thoughts. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Katrina Kenison is such a beautiful writer and I think it is safe to say, a beautiful person, wife, mother, friend, that I feel such a connection to her words.\u00a0 We write similarly, \u00a0not in style but in subject, in things we feel, practice and appreciate\u2026\u00a0 worry about.\u00a0\u00a0 Clearly why I appreciate her so very much.
Today, I feel as if I can only read my book in increments as not to open the dam of tears that seem to keep gathering in my throat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is not from sadness this feeling, but rather from a certain overwhelmed-ness. Wondering just how much one can hold without it spilling over.
I feel today I could just as easily be overwhelmed by beauty, by gratitude and even by peace, but in a good way if that makes any sense.\u00a0
Such are the currents in me.
Wanting more… or more knowingly
wanting much,
much less?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Also I can feel myself over-sensitive to sharp words, to missed cues, to brief.. misfires.\u00a0 Too, I am somewhat feeling overwhelmed by all the greatness that\u2026 is not me.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0
By the great fortune of being a parent to the most amazing humans, yet still wondering (forever) if I have given them enough \u2013 inside stuff\u2026.\u00a0
And how we could ever possibly know
what is enough.\u00a0
As well as feelings that come with it being Sunday, another work week\u2019s approach, all the sound bites of \u2018do what you love and finding your joy\u2019\u00a0 and knowing that this for me is certainly not it – \u2018the dream\u2019,\u00a0 but rather a\u00a0 much needed paycheque.\u00a0\u00a0 Some days not even sure what \u2018the dream\u2019 would look like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No clear questions, with no clear answers.\u00a0 Inadequacy as a wife, as a mother, as a friend.
Knowing well that I have daughtered, but wondering sometimes if I could
sister\u2026\u00a0 better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My husband this morning says, that I could be nicer to him and my daughters tell me that today I do indeed have a tone.\u00a0 Both comments come with shards of glass that take their slices of me.
Thoughts and feelings swirl as the lump in my throat grows large, tears imminent.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I grab a load of laundry first, then the camera and take myself out to the garden. (as small cracks start to appear)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is not the whole story, \u00a0before I have taken you down a rabbit hole, that appears rather dismal –\u00a0 let me balance things out with the great blessing of sunshine.\u00a0 A cake to finish decorating, a son\u2019s birthday to celebrate.\u00a0 Dinner and laughter with family, all of us here ..\u00a0 together.\u00a0
Marveling at my children, all young adults, and how very fast that seems to occur, while appreciating the unique qualities of each of them \u2013 and how on earth these fantastic humans came from us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Appreciating\na day off with my husband, whose schedule now starts to pick up speed in both\nhis working fields, and time together \u2026 my\ntrue heart\u2019s desire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There is great delight in the ever changing beauty of my tulips, there are butterflies and bees. There are toads and strings and strings of eggs newly laid by the millions in both our ponds. There are wind chimes, toad songs and the singing of the wren. Cardinals, blue jays, doves, hawks,finches, sparrows, a tiny violet and beautiful things sprouting to life every minute.
Always there is the great soothing ease
of nature.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A friend I have been corresponding with asks me, \u2018When was the last time you cried?\u201d \u2013 (shows he doesn’t know me well) I laugh to myself thinking ..\u00a0 what time is it???<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My daughters\ncome outside, bring me a coffee, almond milk & honey latte they have just\nconcocted in the kitchen. Not something\nI usually drink, but today feels deliciously cool and sweet. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I sit down in the sun, try to compose a few words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Look up at the sky. So much blue, wispy white clouds sail. It is indeed a beautiful day, and I am open to it.\u00a0 Just as I am.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I take a deep breath, relax my shoulders
and my jaw,
empty out the thoughts in my head
and quietly I make myself
a little vow,\u00a0\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
to try and keep
a little
kindness
in my day\u00a0 \u2665<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This morning I am feeling a bit overwhelmed, by life The sun is shining \u2026\u00a0 beautifully while I am sat to coffee with my love.\u00a0 In his chair across from mine, he is laughing to the point of tears while…
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