{"id":3551,"date":"2020-06-26T14:57:23","date_gmt":"2020-06-26T18:57:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/?p=3551"},"modified":"2020-06-26T15:46:11","modified_gmt":"2020-06-26T19:46:11","slug":"and-a-light-breeze","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/?p=3551","title":{"rendered":"and a light breeze…"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Have I ever told you, there are times
sometimes, well
most times
when I am afraid of the world
outside, (I\u2019m sure I have)
that sometimes I won’t go outside the front gate
even to look at the flowers
without delving too deep
there may be contributing factors
to this, of course
and some days I know, it is simply the shifting of hormones
in the body or the brain
yet another reason
I love
the quiet sanctuary of my garden<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the first conversation of the day, is
a sort of acknowledging joyful bow to the flowers
where I say to them (and always out loud)
\u2018oh, I am so happy you\u2019re ok,  I am sorry
that you get so dry\u2019
my husband has been out to water early
before he goes<\/p>\n\n\n\n

today is my day off, my Friday
as it\u2019s known
everyone in the house is preparing to
scatter
and do so, one by
one
except me, as I have a very real need to
stay,
just
here<\/p>\n\n\n\n

a day to myself, where I am feeling rather sponge like
open to absorbing,
beautiful things, honesty, courage and grace
but also,
the hurt, the rage, the fear
of
others… unavoidably, carrying<\/p>\n\n\n\n

all week wrestling with how to deal when someone shows you
their true colours
and how ..  this saddens
or rather,
disappoints<\/p>\n\n\n\n

how very often I say, I do not understand
ignorance
there is no viable excuse for it
and mostly
i don’t care to

I\u2019m looking at my children as they start their days,
marveling at the parts of them I recognize as my own
and their Dad\u2019s
amazed at the individual unique parts
all them
and just how very wonderful they, each of them
in my estimation
are<\/p>\n\n\n\n

for some reason, I\u2019m thinking about being smart
and how I confidently believe myself to be
not as a smarter-than, not a smart-as\u2026
just happy to be my own kind of
smart
which I find through reading, through listening
and learning, keeping oneself open
allowing
and in things I instinctively know in my heart
to be
true
things already written on my
skin
and how very important it can be to be true
to oneself<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m reading about books, about readers
and writers
feeling each word, like a
breath<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am I guess, feeling the day, composing thoughts in my head
and wanting to write it all down
even at the risk of exposing too much
as I feel today, my heart could pour<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am wanting again to say Thank you
if you happen to travel these words of mine
and not simply think me quite mad, or
kind of… but in a good way
if you have taken the time to allow me to ramble
to live
in the questions of life<\/p>\n\n\n\n

hoping somehow that the words might connect us
and make us feel
real<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am thinking about big things
small things,
about things that I love
that love
me<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am today laying it down
releasing a little and resting myself in gratitude
and a light breeze \u2665<\/p>\n\n\n\n