{"id":4061,"date":"2021-07-07T13:21:16","date_gmt":"2021-07-07T17:21:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/?p=4061"},"modified":"2021-07-07T13:21:18","modified_gmt":"2021-07-07T17:21:18","slug":"until-it-was-gone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/?p=4061","title":{"rendered":"until it was gone…"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Today..\u00a0 well today is, as they say – all the feels.\u00a0
Today, a day when our big maple tree is cut down, for safety.\u00a0 After a brief but mighty wind blew through in a thunderstorm, last week
breaking off substantial branches that came crashing down
and landed precisely\u00a0at our front door.\u00a0 This loss although deemed necessary, feels to me\u00a0\u00a0
like a deep, deep
cut.\u00a0
As well as concern for the gardens that grow under and around this large beauty, that will now be sacrificed in the production of its removal.\u00a0
\u00a0
Today then, seems like a day of\u00a0\u00a0
lessons,\u00a0
in letting go, in grief and loss
as always I will mourn the loss of another tree\u00a0
on the vast landscape of\u00a0\u00a0
our world\u00a0
a small devastation on the grand scale of many, many others\u00a0
but felt…\u00a0 \u00a0just the same\u00a0
a loss for the varied birds, squirrels and insects
who have called this tree home
whose shelter, shade and comfort\u00a0\u00a0
we have appreciated\u00a0\u00a0
so very much\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

grief of course for the\u00a0
missing\u00a0
the open space of\u00a0\u00a0
longing\u00a0
the ghost of\u00a0
what had been\u00a0\u00a0
before\u00a0
\u00a0
and the gardens and shrubs\u00a0\u00a0
that\u00a0neighbour\u00a0
companions of the plant\u00a0
crushed and trampled, broken\u00a0
now,\u00a0
bruised\u00a0
we’re all feeling this
I take my pictures through windows\u00a0
almost afraid to look\u00a0
devastation\u00a0
in\u00a0\u00a0
progress
I become my own sort of ghost
trying not to
hover <\/p>\n\n\n\n

always a finite underlining of how very much nothing…   
is in our control <\/p>\n\n\n\n

alongside this, there is of course\u00a0
appreciation and great gratitude\u00a0
for our tree, certainly\u00a0
but also\u00a0
for the fellows who have arrived to carefully as they can\u00a0
take down a very large being
a serious business, I should think\u00a0
and one where there is no way, you would find me\u00a0\u00a0
up there in the sky, in a bucket\u00a0
chainsaw in hand, cutting off branches\u00a0
limb by limb\u00a0
and those below, that gather, chip and take away\u00a0
while I in the house, cower at each thud\u00a0
and try not to look at what\u00a0\u00a0
once was
or the landing site <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I get a notice this morning that an old email server is shutting down and I wonder what might be still there that should need saving.\u00a0
This draws me into a visit with my beloved Aunt Maureen, as what I find in my \u2018saved\u2019 files\u00a0
are columns she had written for her local newspaper,
some, fourteen years ago
and particularly, bless her,
ones around the time of my dad’s death. (her younger brother)
This has me feeling, a little sadness – sure
but more so, blessed and loved.
I did love my Aunt Maureen and the great comfort she was to me at a very difficult time. How very much her voice, her lovely face, her arms and indeed her strong, kind heart mattered in my life. As well as memories of my dad\u2019s passing, then later my Aunt Maureen too.
This then gives me my outlet for tears.\u00a0
For loss, for grief\u00a0
for allowing and letting things go\u00a0
as they do.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But too, for gratitude and appreciation
in having known love\u00a0
in having felt\u00a0
loved,
\u00a0
and in keeping all of this
in my heart\u00a0
today\u00a0
and always\u00a0\u00a0
\u00a0
as a great, great blessing\u00a0
of life\u00a0\u00a0

a forever surrounding of love \u2665

<\/p>\n\n\n\n



\u201cTo be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.\u201d ~ Pema Chodron<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n


<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today..\u00a0 well today is, as they say – all the feels.\u00a0 Today, a day when our big maple tree is cut down, for safety.\u00a0 After a brief but mighty wind blew through in a thunderstorm, last weekbreaking off substantial branches…
Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4062,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[291,606,233,691,74,692,693],"class_list":["post-4061","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-beinglove","tag-griefinourdays","tag-inmygarden","tag-lossandlonging","tag-toyouthisday","tag-treesoflife","tag-untilitsgone"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4061","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4061"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4061\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4067,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4061\/revisions\/4067"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4062"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4061"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4061"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4061"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}