{"id":4148,"date":"2021-10-23T14:52:59","date_gmt":"2021-10-23T18:52:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/?p=4148"},"modified":"2021-10-23T14:53:00","modified_gmt":"2021-10-23T18:53:00","slug":"somehow-i-knew-id-find-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/?p=4148","title":{"rendered":"somehow i knew, i&#8217;d find you&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Yesterday on a walk through the garden&nbsp;<br>it occurs to me&nbsp;&nbsp;<br>that I don\u2019t much like October&nbsp;<br>or really, I guess&#8230;&nbsp; it\u2019s the season that gets to me&nbsp;<br>the gardens start to look a bit&nbsp;<br>haggard&nbsp;<br>colours&nbsp;have dulled to brown and&nbsp;<br>rotty&nbsp;&nbsp;<br>not much new to spot on a walk through&nbsp;<br>just bits that begin to&nbsp;<br>disappear&nbsp;<br>stays dark too long in the morning&nbsp;<br>gets dark too soon in early evening&nbsp;<br>dull, damp, cooling&nbsp;<br>has me feeling &nbsp;&nbsp;<br>about&nbsp;&nbsp;<br>the same&nbsp;<br>and cold feet&nbsp;<br>&nbsp;<br>work life taking small pieces of&nbsp;my&nbsp;&nbsp;<br>well-being&nbsp;<br>like ducks pecking at bits of bread&nbsp;<br>&nbsp;<br>also as happens, I immerse myself in a story somewhat familiar&nbsp;<br>of&nbsp;&nbsp;<br>living, of surviving, of floundering and&nbsp;<br>finding one\u2019s way&nbsp;<br>the lasting effects of our stories, where we come from&nbsp;<br>and how reverberating the legacies of things&nbsp;<br>we cannot&nbsp;&nbsp;<br>fix&nbsp;<br>continue to creep in to our own&nbsp;<br>nature of things&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>this story from a woman I greatly admire\u00a0<br>breaks my heart in wishing it were possible to offer\u00a0<br>an embrace that would serve to relieve some of the anguish\u00a0<br>that accumulates from time to\u00a0\u00a0<br>time\u00a0<br>(as\u00a0if that could help)\u00a0<br>my own story travels with me\u00a0\u00a0<br>written on the underside of my skin\u00a0<br>serves most times to open my heart in such a way\u00a0<br>as to wish I could offer up something\u00a0<br>that would make life for you\u00a0<br>just a little bit\u00a0<br>easier\u00a0<br>\u00a0<br>take away the pain, and the\u00a0\u00a0<br>shame\u00a0<br>the fear and the worries\u00a0<br>the things that make you insecure and\u00a0\u00a0<br>unsure\u00a0<br>of your footing\u00a0<br>\u00a0<br>I tend to absorb the things I can\u00a0<br>from others\u00a0<br>and when I reach the point of overwhelm\u00a0<br>feel the lump in my throat, the tears\u00a0<br>ready to fall at every minute\u00a0<br>of every day\u00a0<br>I withdraw a little\u00a0\u00a0<br>from the world\u00a0<br>sit with the difficult things\u00a0<br>wishing you\u00a0\u00a0<br>didn\u2019t have to\u00a0<br>\u00a0<br>but I keep my heart open\u00a0<br>knowing I am made of love\u00a0<br>and I send this\u00a0<br>to\u00a0\u00a0<br>you\u00a0<br>\u00a0<br>today, another overcast day and a walk\u00a0<br>to the garden\u00a0<br>to find, one brand new flower\u00a0\u00a0<br>only just beginning\u00a0<br>to bloom \u2665 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Yesterday on a walk through the garden&nbsp;it occurs to me&nbsp;&nbsp;that I don\u2019t much like October&nbsp;or really, I guess&#8230;&nbsp; it\u2019s the season that gets to me&nbsp;the gardens start to look a bit&nbsp;haggard&nbsp;colours&nbsp;have dulled to brown and&nbsp;rotty&nbsp;&nbsp;not much new to spot on&hellip; <br \/><a class=\"read-more-button\" href=\"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/?p=4148\">Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4149,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[743,745,744,446,742,74],"class_list":["post-4148","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-afallingoutwithfall","tag-holdingyouhere","tag-ikeepmyheartopen","tag-inthiswritersgarden","tag-octoberfeelslike","tag-toyouthisday"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4148","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4148"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4148\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4152,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4148\/revisions\/4152"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4149"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4148"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4148"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tamara.tedzplace.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4148"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}