I have what is known as a heart murmur,\u00a0
described to me as\u00a0
one valve smaller, and the need for the heart to pump\u00a0
a little bit more to get the blood through
so essentially what I have\u00a0\u00a0
is an extra heartbeat\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
that little beat, that reminds you <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What would you say\u00a0\u00a0
is your biggest fear? What\u00a0\u00a0
scares\u00a0\u00a0
you?\u00a0
The immediate, top-of-my-head answer is always\u00a0
crowds\u00a0
which is indeed true\u00a0
I don\u2019t like being surrounded by a lot of people\u00a0
the uncertainty of\u00a0\u00a0
movement\u00a0
more often of late, I do not like the chaotic nature\u00a0
of energies that prevail\u00a0
the underlying thing I suppose is\u00a0\u00a0
what I value most, \u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
is
feeling
safe\u00a0
\u00a0
this comes in part from earliest memory, I have of\u00a0
being in an unknown place (the hospital)\u00a0
surrounded by\u00a0\u00a0
unknown people (doctors, nurses, interns, etc..)
having my heart monitored, for this very reason
me, so small and absolutely terrified of the
unfamiliar\u00a0
being wheeled through a tunnel that connected the old hospital
to the children\u2019s hospital and nursing residence\u00a0
to my young memory a dark and scary place <\/p>\n\n\n\n
always being quite shy and other things of childhood have added
to fears\u00a0
some I have talked about before\u00a0
some not\u00a0
all\u00a0pieces of me\u00a0\u00a0
pieces sometimes… that may
haunt\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I do know my weaknesses, as well though\u00a0
I do\u00a0know\u00a0my\u00a0
strengths\u00a0
there will always be\u00a0unfamiliars\u00a0and\u00a0
unknowns\u00a0
things we cannot control, change\u00a0
rewind, re-\u00a0
set\u00a0
tunnels\u00a0
but this is where I ground myself in love\u00a0
\u00a0
for me, surrounding myself\u00a0
connecting to, as well as centering myself\u00a0in love\u00a0
is where I find my safe place\u00a0
to\u00a0
be\u00a0
it allows me to \u2018hold my own hand\u2019 so to speak\u00a0
for safety\u00a0
while also opening me up to holding yours too\u00a0
should you need\u00a0
\u00a0
possibly my life has been guided by that small murmur\u00a0
and there is kindness in that\u00a0
to me, that extra little beat of my heart\u00a0
sounds kind of\u00a0
wonderful, fitting really\u00a0
\u00a0
for a heart that is kind\u00a0
always open to love
\u00a0
in this wild world <\/p>\n\n\n\n
often requires just that little bit
extra\u00a0\u00a0\u2665
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I have what is known as a heart murmur,\u00a0 described to me as\u00a0one valve smaller, and the need for the heart to pump\u00a0a little bit more to get the blood through so essentially what I have\u00a0\u00a0is an extra heartbeat\u00a0 that…
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