On the inside of me
I am smiling
wide
ode to a peaceful morning,
a fairly restful sleep, a much needed lie in
and the feeling of a Friday – no obligation day
I decline accompanying my husband and number two daughter
on a shopping trip
as I am still not feeling great
disruptive allergy yuck, I’ve dubbed it
also
in part because I feel a very real need to press pause
or like in a TV show where someone presses freeze
and everything around is stilled
except for the one
who is free to just
be there
unfrozen in the
quiet
observing
life
this is my feeling
currently all around me is motion
the grey cloudy sky bursts open into sunshine
Sweetie the canary is active and singing
in the other room, music is pumping as daughter number one works out
while I sit, just quiet
beside me the little drummer bear
taps out a steady beat
and a frosty wind is bringing back the cold
I haven’t had much time for writing
I haven’t made much time
or allowed much time
or… taken much
time
time should be of our choosing
but what
would we do
with more
time
this week I watched Finding Your Roots on PBS
and as it is Black History Month
it featured two African Americans and their lineage
descendants of slavery
needless to say I can never understand man’s cruelties
I watch baffled in unconscionable belief
as to how at a certain point, one decides, that now I own you
and I can sell you
a fellow man, woman or child
a fellow human
I cannot understand
I do know as most horrible things there is money, there is power
there is always fear as the driving force
but I cannot grasp just how this comes to be
enforced, allowed
accepted
(even though I can
with my own eyes,
witness much of the ‘ground work’ being laid by the current leader of a neighbouring nation)
Also, I watched a documentary in french, sub-titled, not even sure what it was called
on international students
the students learning a new language in a new country
for various reasons
some seeking asylum, some for opportunities not afforded
to their gender, some just for higher learning
how very difficult it can be, and must be
to be ostracized for your looks, your skin colour
your style of dress, your religion, background or place
of origin
why is it we find it so difficult to be loving and kind
to one another
I do not know
how can many… ever think this is ok
or right
I cannot…
I simply
cannot
and so I continue to watch, to listen, to read, to
learn
I hold a bit of the ache in my heart
(as if this could be of any help)
and I continue to question
just how it is we can sometimes be
so very
cruel
to one another
how we can be consumed, convinced, cajoled
into thinking any of this
is
Our
right
outside, most of the snow has disappeared
a few days of rain and mild temperatures
have cleared away the fluff
as frigid air returns
without the covering of snow in the garden
from my window I can see in a tangle of branches
the remains
of
blue balloon
he sits by the fence
deflated
a final resting place
where it appears he has now succumbed
to the bitter
cold
inevitable I suppose
but what a heroic life
I think today,
I’ll take a quiet walk, to pay my respects
to bear witness, to acknowledge
and to express my gratitude
for kindness
for love
for continued understanding
for
grounding
and too
for waking
to
this blessed
life
perhaps then,
on the inside of me
I realize
is what remains
of
blue balloon ♥