This morning a quiet sit by myself
and a book
share the magic of a song with a friend
then a walk of gratitude outside
in the garden
my first thoughts are how very wonderful
is the colour
green
and just how much everything has changed
while you were sleeping
my lovely tulips are poised, elegant and stately
just waiting for the sun
to shine
(although not much chance of that again today)
we wait
I say hello to a toad and moon over his
beauty
he smiles for a photo, then I leave him be
I can hear the wren singing the loveliest song
while I know it is her, I can’t quite see where she sits
tiny little thing, with the very big voice
behind me the blue jay shouts for attention
I know you are there, I tell him sternly, I see You
this one, not the least shy
the air soon becomes almost humid feeling
hung heavy with damp
showers are imminent
on the concrete by the gate
the tiniest bare baby bird lies
life lost
hard day for allergies, I decide to go in
yesterday, standing with some girls at work
sharing stories
without (over)thinking I join, only a few words in
I can feel suddenly that I have drawn the attention
of four
as I talk, I can feel myself starting to flush
warning bells going off inside
**pull back, pull back**
dumb storydumbstory, who cares, stoptalkingstoptalkingSTOPTALKING
as I talk, I can actually feel myself
shrinking
it’s horrible sometimes this shy business
it takes a lot of energy from the brain
I do indeed finish, stop talking
bring myself back
to
breath
turn down all the noise (in my head)
this is just how
I do
the beauty of writing here is just me
what I put down in words
and share in my own voice
… is still me,
showing up in ways I can
comfortably, sometimes uncomfortably
I leave it here
cause maybe you might feel this too,
or maybe
you might know that sometimes a smile
is just enough
or possibly, like the wren
a lovely song to share
while staying just slightly
out
of
sight
some days .. it’s just easier with flowers ♥