I have what is known as a heart murmur,
described to me as
one valve smaller, and the need for the heart to pump
a little bit more to get the blood through
so essentially what I have
is an extra heartbeat
that little beat, that reminds you
What would you say
is your biggest fear? What
scares
you?
The immediate, top-of-my-head answer is always
crowds
which is indeed true
I don’t like being surrounded by a lot of people
the uncertainty of
movement
more often of late, I do not like the chaotic nature
of energies that prevail
the underlying thing I suppose is
what I value most,
is
feeling
safe
this comes in part from earliest memory, I have of
being in an unknown place (the hospital)
surrounded by
unknown people (doctors, nurses, interns, etc..)
having my heart monitored, for this very reason
me, so small and absolutely terrified of the
unfamiliar
being wheeled through a tunnel that connected the old hospital
to the children’s hospital and nursing residence
to my young memory a dark and scary place
always being quite shy and other things of childhood have added
to fears
some I have talked about before
some not
all pieces of me
pieces sometimes… that may
haunt
I do know my weaknesses, as well though
I do know my
strengths
there will always be unfamiliars and
unknowns
things we cannot control, change
rewind, re-
set
tunnels
but this is where I ground myself in love
for me, surrounding myself
connecting to, as well as centering myself in love
is where I find my safe place
to
be
it allows me to ‘hold my own hand’ so to speak
for safety
while also opening me up to holding yours too
should you need
possibly my life has been guided by that small murmur
and there is kindness in that
to me, that extra little beat of my heart
sounds kind of
wonderful, fitting really
for a heart that is kind
always open to love
in this wild world
often requires just that little bit
extra ♥