This past week I began to write out
dismal
kinds of thoughts
I’d been hit quite hard by vertigo
the dizziest sort of feeling
like liquid clouds had filled my ears
and I had stumbled upon rolling seas
wondering if maybe I had forgotten my allergy pill
but knowing
I had not
the week carried me into heavy territory
anxiety high
felt like I was trembling on the inside
ant farm gone wild
trying to outrun constant chatter
jaw tight
the kind of hopelessness
of thought
almost always accompanied by
why… must I go through this
again
it can be a February sort of feeling
although certainly not just confined
to
winter months
it can be a dastardly tiresome thing
the small child in me, gets quieter
withdrawing further into my very own
corner
whilst flipping my heart light sign
to
Temporarily
Out of Office
knowing full well, this will not be a long
layover
as who, I ask you
has time for such dismal things
as this?
for the most part, I do keep this uneasy battle
to myself
other than a brief flare sent out
to my love
strictly… for his own protection
it falls,
like a whimper,
notification that I
am not
in my happy place
this week I did seek wise council from
several toads
out and about in the greenhouse
where I work
as well one small ladybug who stayed
on the back of my shoulder for most of one morning
to
comfort
I read a couple of lovely books
one A Gentle Plea for Chaos: Reflections from an English Garden
by Mirabel Osler
which of course proved the perfect balm for
February
always feels the best time to read about gardens
and
This Here Flesh: Spirituality, Liberation, and the Stories That Make Us
by Cole Arthur Riley
which was astonishingly beautiful in words and
thoughts and did indeed leave a piece of it
with me
and with so much gratitude for having found
this really important voice
I also spent a great deal of time
sending loving thoughts to two of my dearest friends
as well as, at work
to a family whose granddaughter
and daughter were in a terrible accident
for love and kindness to surround
each of them
as they
heal
I kept my heart out of the news
solving a couple of jigsaw puzzles, and watched
my country’s Prime Minister joyously congratulate
our athletes
at the Olympics
whether you yourself are out celebrating life
or harbouring in a darkened corner
in a
rather comfy chair
I do hope
you are well
and gathering sunshine… where you can ♥