I’m not afraid to tell you,
it’s been a really hard three weeks
relative to me, anyway
where I will walk around with a label
‘Functioning Depressive’ stamped and flashing subtle warnings,
on the underside of a
white flag that I carry
in defeat
as much as surrender
where the weight of things that pile
work to solidly dampen
one’s
wings
and they do indeed, begin to rust
where I will wallow a bit
and wonder why
a shifting of things for women, has to be
so gosh-darn hard
where I will again find the need
to
withdraw
choosing a stone faced silent retreat
over the very ungracious pull to constantly
lash out
where most of the battle fought will be on
internal landscapes
and I will, quietly as I can
continuously put out fires with mindful moments
of self-directed
loving kindness
but also… where I will fail completely, ungraciously
at keeping it all to myself
where after that very last straw begins the break…
I will pour, I will rage (just a little), I will cry (quite a lot)
and I will whimper out every last thing that has been taking small bite size
pieces
of
me
and then point out, exactly where
it hurts
and today, just as happens
while my love and I are, (what is sometimes now
a rare treat)
working together in the front garden
I will suddenly see
the very first monarch of the season
and we will stop to watch it
together
and I will once again, most
miraculously
feel that all familiar fluttering
of wings
and the only thing I can tell you is
be kind to you
be kind to someone else
and whatever you do, just hold on
as I can promise you, the whole Universe is aspiring
to love you ♥
oh… and so you know,
I will never mind sending love and kindness to find you
and I am a pretty good listener
too
just keep yourself open ♥♥