“Now is the winter of our discontent” … these are the words stomping their noisy boots through my head today. Across and back, and clamouring in my ears.
And I am in want of a stillness and quiet.
I don’t even know where they might have wandered in from?
‘Tis the approaching season of social engagement creeping in, I am sure. Starting to agitate me a little.
Possibly I am getting worse with age, but really I like to believe I am getting better.
This is me, as always, living with social anxiety or as I like to call it my beautifully strong introverted nature. I am not very keen on Christmas parties as such. While I know people look forward to them and enjoy them immensely, for me they are awkward and uncomfortable and I would just always
rather
be
home.
This is not however, an easy message to convey. It is not a reflection of the people I would be sharing an evening with and it is certainly not my intention to offend. It’s just for me, I would so rather be somewhere else.
I don’t suffer from the fear of missing out. I engage in things when I think I can, when I need to push myself to go out, I do try. But there are other times, I feel quite confident in my decisions, that this just isn’t for me, and I know when I can feel it …
my peace.
There are so many ‘should’s’ in life, and I often wonder who sets the rules, and are they for me?
I am very fortunate I know, to be loved by someone wonderfully patient and kind, who takes me as I am. (I guess, well – because he has to!) And I am very blessed to have some equally wonderful close friends who I believe share an understanding of my nature, and fully accept it as part of what makes me – me. I don’t socialize a lot, but I do try to keep in touch (perhaps in small ways) and I am genuinely grateful for the blessings that I have, and that I receive.
Probably my way of stepping out into the world Is here, in this way.. as I write. This is how I am able to quiet those stomping boots, noisily tramping their way through my head, as well as the words that follow them,
on repeat.
I sort through, I air out .. and then
I
breathe…
and this is me.
This is not “now the winter of MY discontent” – No, this is instead
me
most
perfectly
content ♥
“I chose the light amidst the lurking darkness. I chose calmness and stillness among a crowd bathing in chaos. I chose happiness over screaming negativity around and I chose to be ME over the temptation of being like somebody else.”
~ Elizabeth E. Castillo