the hardest part of losing someone is that you don’t so much lose something
it’s more to what you have acquired
the emptiness
the dull ache
the missing piece
it’s not just a loss,
it is more to this dreadful
gain
– the above is mine, but probably better said by Donald Hall –
“You think that their
dying is the worst
thing that could happen.
Then they stay dead.”
I just finished reading The Best Day the Worst Day : Life with Jane Kenyon by Donald Hall, a beautiful memoir of a marriage, of living, loving and losing. I have a pretty good idea of how this will turn out, yet still I sat for at least an hour sobbing uncontrollably, as I read, and Jane suffered, and then died..
This combined with a cool, windy rainy fall day has made me feel a little dull today.
Grey skies, often have me feeling just that … grey.
I am carrying the profound sadness of Donald Hall and the sad loss of Jane Kenyon with me, even though this actually happened 20 years ago!
Of course, I am still greatly missing my Aunt Pat, still feeling ..
that missing piece.
I am like a sea sponge.
I am permeable,
full of holes,
able to absorb things easily
too easily…
my heart breaks open
regularly
but perhaps
this also allows
for things to flow
freely
and not take root
to accept the sadness
to feel the loss
to wallow a bit
in a kind of grey -ness
yet in my sponge like nature
to be open
to keep only the bits
that nourish
and let the others go
to allow for life
to ebb and flow
to draw in Love
and
to let it go ..
to still raise my face
to the sky
and see the clouds sailing over
in constant motion
this too shall pass …
and then
to pour myself a cup of tea,
to find comfort
in a rainy day
in a good book
and
a good cry
and always
to find myself
resting
in Gratitude ♥