Tamara Willems

somehow i knew, i’d find you…

Yesterday on a walk through the garden 
it occurs to me  
that I don’t much like October 
or really, I guess…  it’s the season that gets to me 
the gardens start to look a bit 
haggard 
colours have dulled to brown and 
rotty  
not much new to spot on a walk through 
just bits that begin to 
disappear 
stays dark too long in the morning 
gets dark too soon in early evening 
dull, damp, cooling 
has me feeling   
about  
the same 
and cold feet 
 
work life taking small pieces of my  
well-being 
like ducks pecking at bits of bread 
 
also as happens, I immerse myself in a story somewhat familiar 
of  
living, of surviving, of floundering and 
finding one’s way 
the lasting effects of our stories, where we come from 
and how reverberating the legacies of things 
we cannot  
fix 
continue to creep in to our own 
nature of things 

this story from a woman I greatly admire 
breaks my heart in wishing it were possible to offer 
an embrace that would serve to relieve some of the anguish 
that accumulates from time to  
time 
(as if that could help) 
my own story travels with me  
written on the underside of my skin 
serves most times to open my heart in such a way 
as to wish I could offer up something 
that would make life for you 
just a little bit 
easier 
 
take away the pain, and the  
shame 
the fear and the worries 
the things that make you insecure and  
unsure 
of your footing 
 
I tend to absorb the things I can 
from others 
and when I reach the point of overwhelm 
feel the lump in my throat, the tears 
ready to fall at every minute 
of every day 
I withdraw a little  
from the world 
sit with the difficult things 
wishing you  
didn’t have to 
 
but I keep my heart open 
knowing I am made of love 
and I send this 
to  
you 
 
today, another overcast day and a walk 
to the garden 
to find, one brand new flower  
only just beginning 
to bloom ♥

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