Yesterday morning, much to do
much to
look forward to
I begin in tears
I am feeling scared, a little overwhelmed
for many reasons
and I still
cannot breathe properly thanks to the combination of
allergies and covid,
which really affects
my sleep
hormones have hit, as they do
end of the month sort of thing for me
and I am wanting
my
cave
I share this not for sympathy, and not
as a cry for help
I share this as this is me
and life
as
me
and I do believe… as many
anxiety is not a rational thing
it is not something one can just ‘you’ll be fine’ about
it is also a very real thing
and something important to recognize for our own
well-being
the reason I share this stuff, is to say
this is life… for some
not or certainly rarely, is life perfection
as we may prefer to
present it
some days are messy
and often are ‘one foot in front of the other’ days
for me
and the next few will most likely be
those kinds of days
We have a notion of how things should be
should look
should
feel
and some people are brilliant at it
creating precise detail of everything exactly so
but that
is not my thing, ever
often many of us strive so hard to create
that perfect picture, image, setting
while shame and/or fear of not
presenting well
slowly eats little holes in us
like
moths
and one would wonder why we would voluntarily
do this
to ourselves
sure, to some degree from time to time
I fall prey to this
in certain circumstances
anxiety creeps in (not of my choosing)
and tries to take control
this contributes considerably to brain fog
panic, and almost always
useless procrastination,
that does nothing but feed
the fears
having said all that, yesterday too
once again I am touched considerably
by
kindness
a very, very dear heart(s) will remind me
that I
am
love
and this then
is where today,
I
begin
outside with the birds, the dogs
and the
toads
the morning sun
much, much gratitude for kindness
that surrounds
and for love
I am love.
May you be well my friends ♥ -^-